Hi Janie
I really enjoyed your e-mail and agree one hundred percent.
When I refer to lifestyle changes, this re-programming is what I mean. Once
upon a time I could not say "NO". If it was my siblings, parents, friends,
or boss requests, No was not in my vocabulary. Then I ended up doing a full
days work, plus work for the family or friends. If PA has taught me
anything, it have taught me that I need time for me. However I had to find
me first, because I never had the time to sort out who Gillian was? An
employee, friend, sister, Aunt, daughter, Godmother, decorator, gardener,
cook, laundry maid, housemaid, organiser, and car mechanic. However that was
not me! Those were roles!
Jobs had to be done, so they were done, not that I had enough hours in the
day. And if I did not have enough hours then, how could I hope to find me?
One thing you have with PA, a lot of 'time'. I could not hope to take on
jobs from the past and give them my undivided attention. Now I have the
time, I hope I have used it wisely to find out who I am!
The subconscious is an extremely powerful weapon. It enjoys as you correctly
state, 'slip back' or circles. If you allow it to run in circles, well in my
opinion you never really achieve anything, let alone learn by past mistakes.
We jump, judge and assume, all because our subconscious feels this is the
right attitude. It feels safe and protected. Breaking that circle is
probably the hardest thing I have achieved in my life. Yet when I am
unaware, I still find myself slipping back!
A blood test will come back more abnormal than usual and I 'automatically
assume' the worst possible scenario! Panic ensues until I realise what is
going on. Then I stop, apply some logic and change thought patterns.
Unusually abnormal does not always mean BAD. It could actually mean GOOD,
depending on what the original baseline was!
Likewise a new pain and I automatically assume the arthritis is spreading!
This pain usually has a very rational explanation, if I just retrace my
steps for the previous twenty four hours.
New symptoms appear like a bowel problem and my mind automatically refers to
the Evening Primrose Oil, while ignoring the bar of chocolate I devoured
while watching a late night film.
I think my motto is, think and never jump to conclusions or assumptions. So
far I have survived two years and six month without being hospitalised for
PA symptoms. Prior to this lifestyle change I was admitted twice a year on a
regular basis.
Yes the key for control of my PA is my subconscious. It is for ever placing
irrational hurdles in my path. "I am off to walk to the nearest shop, with
Hermes, because that is as far as I know I can make it!" Three miles later
and I think "Got you! You tried to trick me but did not get away with it!"
However if I thought, "Right three miles here we come", my subconscious
would start placing doubts in my mind. "Cannot walk that far, because the
knee will seize, the back would rebel and I will be in bed all day
tomorrow!"
These are but excuses, validated by the subconscious, because you are quote
'ILL'. That is why I never use the word, DISEASE, but CONDITION.
Love and God Bless
Gillian
A friend is, as it were, a second self.